Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Hayes "The Rock" Dean

Have you seen those darling Huggies commercials for their new slip on diapers? You know the one where the cute baby is crawling his naked little booty away from mom and all the while she is looking at him with an , "aw shucks that little whippersnaper is at it again" look on her face? Have you? Aren't they just darling? Warms the heart.

Well now, if you will, please picture that same scene with a baby with a doodie booty. Named Hayes.
And a mom with, "I am going to put my finger in my eye if he does this again, "look on her face. Named Maggie.

As previously stated, Hayes does not like to have his diaper changed. At all. Not one bit. At all.

He has this WWE move that he does which goes something like this:
Flail arms
Press shoulders into ground
Arch back
Arch back more
Twist torso
Wave dirty booty in mommy's face in an attempt to distract her with the smell
Scoot Away

Keep in mind I am holding both of his ankles with one hand and attempting to clean him with the other. It would actually be mighty impressive if it weren't so flippin', flappin' infuriating.

This morning Hayes had an extra special diaper and I could tell before we even got started that the changing session was going to be a doozy. I got all my supplies, handed him a toy and called Lucy in for reinforcements.

10 minutes later the diaper was changed. I was sweating, Hayes was crying, and Lucy was still singing "row, row, row your boat" at the top of her lungs in an effort to calm him.

Oh, and I have a pulled muscle in my neck/shoulder/upper back region. I am not even sure at what point during the fracas (n. a noisy quarrel; brawl) I incurred the injury. All I know is that it hurts to turn my neck to the right. Or to the left. Or look down .

So thanks Huggies for the suggestion of the slip on diaper. I appreciate your input. Really, I do. But now, if you can make yourself useful and invent something for the mom of a future professional wrestler that would be the bee's knees.

It's either that or I am sending Hayes and his dirty booty straight to your doorstep.

"Do you smell what the Hayes is cooking"?*

Too graphic? Sorry, but it couldn't be helped.

*For all those who have no idea what that means, ask you your husband or son. Or just google it, for Pete's sake.

No comments:

Post a Comment